


Waiting for Rei

by LiberaMeLuminis



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: (Style), (maybe), F/M, Post-Third Impact, Stage Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-21 00:57:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9524300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiberaMeLuminis/pseuds/LiberaMeLuminis
Summary: An empty beach. A gravestone.Night.





	1. Act I

_Shinji, lying supine on the sand, is still. No words are exchanged between him and the lakeside air, which is stagnant, salty, and smells distinctly of the iron often found in blood._

_The belt wrapped around his high-wasited pants is too long for his frame, and a few good inches of it hangs off of the loop. His shoelaces are untied, and he doesn’t remember, nor care to remember, when they became that way. A cross necklace hangs around his necklace. It is his to bear._

_Shinji sits up. His shoulders creak, and his spindly forearms tremble as he scrabbles aimlessly for a grip in the sand. He pulls at the necklace with both hands, panting. He gives up, exhausted, rests, and tries again. The sturdy, yet slightly frayed twine burns rope marks onto his fingers. Tears well up in his eyes. He does not stop to wipe them away._

SHINJI: [ _giving up again_ ] Nothing to be done.

_Having already exerted the energy to sit up, Shinji ties his shoes. He leaves his belt alone, and it sways in a tumultuous, invisible wind._

_Enter Asuka._

ASUKA: [ _emerging from the iron-red-sea, preferring to stand instead of sit._ ] That’s the way it always is with you, isn’t it? All my life, I’ve tried to do something, bring some change, but here you are, still brooding. [ _She broods on the situation, and makes a face._ ] So there you are again, ugly as always.

SHINJI: [ _confused_ ] Am I?

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: You’re back. I thought you were gone forever.

SHINJI: I thought the same of you.

ASUKA: And now we’re together again. [ _She laughs, spitefully._ ] Congratulations. You’ve found me. Again. We should celebrate. You should smile.

SHINJI: [ _distracted_ ] Not now. I can’t.

ASUKA: [ _coldly_ ] Yeah, and what else is new? [ _She makes another face._ ] Where were you?

SHINJI: In a sea. A sea of people.

ASUKA: What, and they didn’t hurt you?

SHINJI: [ _shaking his head_ ] No, no. It felt, [ _he pauses, presumably to think_ ] like, something like…

ASUKA: Home?

SHINJI: Home.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: I was stuck in that sea too, you know. I was drowning. Imagine that!

[ _Shinji doesn’t make a sound._ ]

ASUKA: Drowning in waves of itty, bitty people. [ _scoffs_ ] Putrid. Who knows how much time we spent in there, huh, Shinji? Why, if it weren’t for me, where would you be? Just a speck of salt in an endless ocean?

SHINJI: And?

ASUKA: Worthless.

[ _Shinji turns his face away, and Asuka, incredibly irritated, struts off in a direction opposite to the red lake. She stops, and looks back, to see Shinji still attempting to wrench the necklace off, and still failing. She does not continue marching._ ]

ASUKA: What are you doing?

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: [ _hesitantly, as if deliberately trying not to provoke_ ] I’m trying to take this off. Will you help me?

ASUKA: Me? Help you?

SHINJI: It hurts, you know.

ASUKA: Hurts?

SHINJI: It does, don’t you see? [ _He gestures to the marks on his neck. Asuka disregards them._ ]

ASUKA: Why should it? Misato’s dead. You’re alive. There’s no point in pitying someone who’ll never come back; I’m tired of telling you that. Why don’t you just listen to me?

SHINJI: She’s not dead. Help me!

ASUKA: You’re alive, so enjoy living. Only idiots like you ask for help, for things that they’ve brought onto themselves. You don’t think I hate this filthy hellhole, as well? You wouldn’t imagine the pain I’ve gone through, Shinji Ikari.

SHINJI: Hurts?

ASUKA: It does, don’t you see? [ _She points a finger at her left eye-socket, which has gone unnoticed up until now. The eye is split down the middle, the dyed-pink gel of the vitreous pouring out of the wound, the pupil and iris barely recognizable. Shinji flinches. Asuka does not._ ]

SHINJI: You always wait till the last moment, to tell me these things.

ASUKA: [ _musingly_ ] The last moment… [ _She thinks._ ] If one does not lie back and something up and say, who wrote that?

SHINJI: Why won’t you help me?

ASUKA: To this moment, this very moment… [ _She falls silent._ ] You just keep clawing up the past. [ _tentatively, quietly_ ] …Sometimes I do the same.

SHINJI: What was that?

ASUKA: [ _disregarding Shinji_ ] Nothing to be done.

SHINJI: [ _despairingly_ ] Nothing can be done!

ASUKA: Try. That’s the whole point, isn’t it?

SHINJI: There’s nothing to try.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: She’s dead.

SHINJI: You’re delusional.

ASUKA: She’s dead.

SHINJI: You’re lying.

ASUKA: She’s dead.

SHINJI: You’re wrong.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: So what is this? Might we find a branch to hang ourselves on? Will that assure you of our existence?

SHINJI: The necklace refuses to budge. Misato will come back.

ASUKA: There’s man all summarized for you, blaming on the weight the lack of his strength. Pathetic.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Ikari.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Shinji.

SHINJI: What?

ASUKA: Suppose we drowned.

SHINJI: Why?

ASUKA: Absolution. Or retribution. The specifics don’t matter.

SHINJI: Didn’t we already?

ASUKA: Nothing to be done.

[ _Silence. The sound of the LCL waves is, suddenly, readily apparent. It washes over Shinji’s ears, honeyed and sweet, and feeling much like home._ ]

ASUKA: [ _reciting, as if from memory_ ] Her clothes spread wide; and, mermaid-like, awhile they bore her up: which time she chanted snatches of old tunes; as one incapable of her own distress, or like a creature native and indued unto that element: but long it could not be till that her garments, heavy with their drink, pull’d the poor wretch from her melodious lay to muddy death.

SHINJI: Huh? What was that?

ASUKA: [ _exasperated_ ] Did you ever read Shakespeare?

SHINJI: Shakespeare… [ _He reflects._ ] I don’t think I did.

ASUKA: There’s rue for you. Do you suppose the libraries are all closed?

SHINJI: I don’t have a membership card, either way.

ASUKA: Wolves run amok. They’re ravenous.

SHINJI: [ _He stares at her left eye._ ] It’ll pass the time.

ASUKA: Suppose we were saved.

SHINJI: Saved from drowning? [ _Pause._ ] I suppose.

ASUKA: Saved from hell.

SHINJI: Hell?

ASUKA: Death.

SHINJI: I thought you said hell.

ASUKA: Imbecile! It’s all the same.

SHINJI: Who says that?

ASUKA: I do.

[ _Silence. Shinji stands, with great struggle, and gazes into the LCL sea. He walks towards it. With every step, the necklace thumbs against his chest, with the force of a great hammer, but he does not feel it._ ]

ASUKA: Hah!

[ _Shinji turns back, eyeing the cityscape of Tokyo-03._ ]

ASUKA: [ _scrutinizing him_ ] Let’s go, then.

SHINJI: We can’t.

ASUKA: Why not?

SHINJI: We’re waiting for Rei.

ASUKA: You’re sure?

SHINJI: [ _a pause._ ] Absolutely.

ASUKA: Ah. [ _another pause._ ] Idiot.

SHINJI: What?

ASUKA: You’re an idiot. It’s obvious, what with how you’re waiting for some stupid fucking doll.

SHINJI: [ _enraged_ ] Don’t call her that!

ASUKA: Just a shitty blank slate for you to project your desires onto. [ _She spits. The saliva is absorbed into the white sand, and it disappears._ ] God. You’re so pitiful.

SHINJI: [ _He grasps at the cross necklace. His knuckles whiten, from how hard he grips it. When he speaks, it is through grit teeth._ ] You don’t have to wait with me.

ASUKA: What other choice to I have?

SHINJI: What do you mean?

ASUKA: Nothing to be done.

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: She’ll be here.

ASUKA: What, did she promise you or something? Like a lover coming back from war? [ _a scoff._ ] Not too far off.

SHINJI: What’re you implying?

[ _Asuka does not reply._ ]

SHINJI: She’ll be here.

ASUKA: And if she never comes?

SHINJI: She will.

ASUKA: Possibly. Possibly not.

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: The point is –

ASUKA: What point?

SHINJI: [ _a sigh._ ] The point is –

ASUKA: It’s pointless. You’re stupid and deluded.

SHINJI: That makes no difference.

ASUKA: Hah! Idiot Ikari, stupid and deluded!

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Stupid and deluded!

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Answer, why don’t you?

SHINJI: Huh?

ASUKA: It’s pointless.

SHINJI: It’s not pointless. [ _a pause._ ] But, do you recognize the place?

ASUKA: Never said that.

SHINJI: But, do you recognize it?

ASUKA: Why would I?

SHINJI: You’ve lived here.

ASUKA: Stop lying. It’s a dump.

SHINJI: That lake… don’t you see?

ASUKA: [ _dismissively_ ] I might’ve made a note of it. [ _she pretends to fumble in her nonexistent pockets._ ] I may be mistaken. Not about how stupid and deluded you are, however.

SHINJI: [ _feebly_ ] Alright.

ASUKA: Hey, do you want to hear a story?

SHINJI: Shakespeare?

ASUKA: Is it always like this with you? You hear about one playwright, and think he’s the only one who exists?

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: It’d be a shame if you didn’t know this one. It’s one of my favorites.

SHINJI: Well, go on.

ASUKA: A farmer met a ghost woman and she gave him a golden box. She said, “You must never open this.” He took it home and hid it from his wife, but one day she found it and looked inside.

SHINJI: [ _weakly_ ] …Am I the wife?

ASUKA: Christ, Shinji, not everything has to be about you. [ _a breath._ ] Inside was a gouged out human eye.

SHINJI: Don’t tell me!

ASUKA: What a wimp. The farmer dropped dead in his field.

SHINJI: DON’T TELL ME!

ASUKA: The wife went mad and lived the rest of her days like an animal.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: The end. That enough for you?

SHINJI: …Selfish.

ASUKA: That’s not very nice of you, Shinji. Who am I to tell my private nightmares to if I can’t tell them to you?

SHINJI: I can’t bear it.

ASUKA: Do you want to run away from me?

SHINJI: I wouldn’t get far.

ASUKA: Do you think I’d run after you?

SHINJI: Not at all.

ASUKA: That would be too bad, really too bad. Wouldn’t it, Shinji, be really too bad? Wouldn’t it, Shinji?

SHINJI: Calm down, please.

ASUKA: There are no birds. They’re probably dead.

SHINJI: Ah, stop it!

ASUKA: Did you have a story to tell?

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: Nothing to say.

ASUKA: No imagination. No ideas. Useless, empty brain. Thick skull with nothing inside. Give me your hand.

SHINJI: [ _a grimace. He pulls his right hand away from Asuka, to his chest._ ]

ASUKA: Nevermind. You’re a basket case.

SHINJI: You’re my only hope.

ASUKA: Get a grip.

SHINJI: Let’s wait, and see what she says.

ASUKA: Who?

SHINJI: Rei.

ASUKA: Use your head!

SHINJI: It’s… a kind of prayer.

ASUKA: Precisely! Use your intelligence!

SHINJI: What else do I have?

ASUKA: No promise from me.

SHINJI: Where do you think she is?

ASUKA: [ _bitterly_ ] In the quiet of her home. With her family. Her friends.

SHINJI: Don’t you see?

ASUKA: Her agents. Her correspondents. Her books.

SHINJI: We are her friends.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Excuse me?

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: You’re not making any sense. It’s almost enough to make me laugh.

SHINJI: I hear nothing.

ASUKA: Must be Rei.

SHINJI: Do you think?

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Aren’t you hungry?

SHINJI: Not quite.

ASUKA: [ _grumbling_ ] The same for me.

SHINJI: How do you think the sand tastes?

ASUKA: Better than anything Misato cooked, that’s for sure.

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: Do you think she’ll come back?

ASUKA: Rei again?

SHINJI: No. Misato.

ASUKA: Dead people stay dead.

[ _Shinji looks cautiously at Asuka’s eye. He faintly recalls hearing her cries of anguish. It’s awkward, and made all the more awkward by the fact that Asuka isn’t aware of what’s going on in his mind._ ]

SHINJI: You came back.

ASUKA: I wasn’t dead.

SHINJI: You were! Look at your eye!

[ _He looks again. In the state that it’s in, he expected to see maggots, writhing around inside._ ]

ASUKA: [ _scoffing_ ] Maybe I got skullfucked. Don’t be preposterous.

[ _He thinks of her words, and sees the scenario play out in his head – or, rather, hers. It is perverted in its repulsiveness._ ]

SHINJI: I don’t hear a word you’re saying.

ASUKA: You never pay attention to me. Always worried about keeping your little dollhouse tidy. Can’t sew my eye back on, huh?

SHINJI: What do you mean?

ASUKA: Who are we waiting for?

SHINJI: Rei.

ASUKA: Exactly. I’m right here.

SHINJI: You are.

ASUKA: I’m right here!

SHINJI: I think so.

ASUKA: Fancy that! The more you stare at this stupid socket [ _she points to it_ ], the worse it gets!

[ _It is silent. Shinji agrees with the sentiment._ ]

SHINJI: In other words…

ASUKA: In other words… I love you.

SHINJI: [ _taken aback_ ] What?

ASUKA: Isn’t that how the song goes?

SHINJI: I don’t remember it.

ASUKA: Nothing you can do about it. One is what one is. And you’re an idiot.

SHINJI: Nothing to be done.

[ _Silence._

_They wait,_

_one patient,_

_one not._

_It is a tiresome task._

_Nobody comes,_

_nobody emerges from the iron-red-sea._

_There is only silence._ ]

ASUKA: Isn’t there any way to pass the time?

SHINJI: It’ll pass in any case.

ASUKA: What do we do now?

SHINJI: We wait.

ASUKA: Let’s go.

SHINJI: We can’t.

ASUKA: You can’t. I can.

SHINJI: [ _voice cracking_ ] Well, I suppose.

ASUKA: I will.

SHINJI: [ _voice cracking_ ] Well, if you want.

ASUKA: God, you’re pathetic.

SHINJI: I have to stay.

ASUKA: You don’t have to!

SHINJI: She’s waiting for me!

ASUKA: You’re waiting for her!

SHINJI: She’ll come.

ASUKA: She won’t!

SHINJI: “One is what one is.”

ASUKA: And she’s dead.

SHINJI: It can change!

ASUKA: Things can change. They all change. People change, places change. Dolls never do.

SHINJI: I’ll take you apart by the seams, then.

ASUKA: You already did.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: We can’t go on like this.

SHINJI: I’ll climb to heaven to get to her.

ASUKA: Why don’t you?

SHINJI: No boots.

ASUKA: That’s a sorry excuse. We’ve nothing more to do here.

SHINJI: Nothing to be done, anywhere at all.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Suppose she does come.

SHINJI: She will.

ASUKA: What will you say?

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Vapid.

SHINJI: You could still go, if you think it would be better.

ASUKA: Maybe we’d have been better off alone. We weren’t made for the same road. You’ve got no business in the stars.

SHINJI: You’ve got no business in the sea.

ASUKA: It’s not worthwhile now.

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: No, it’s not worthwhile now.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Let’s go then.

SHINJI: Yes, let’s go.

[ _They do not move_.]


	2. Act II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Next day. Same time._
> 
>  
> 
> _Same place._
> 
>  
> 
> _Shinji’s shoes, parallel to each other._
> 
>  
> 
> _The gravestone has a cross necklace nailed on._

_Shinji, standing on the sand, is still. No words are exchanged between him and the lakeside air, which is stagnant, salty, and smells distinctly of the iron often found in blood._

_The belt wrapped around his high-wasited pants is too long for his frame, and a few good inches of it hangs off of the loop. His shoelaces are curled around his feet, with no shoes attached, and he doesn’t remember, nor care to remember, when they became that way. Burn scars inch around his neck. They don’t hurt anymore._

_Shinji starts to ponder. He cannot think of anything to ponder about. Tears well up in his eyes. He does not stop to wipe them away._

SHINJI: [ _giving up again_ ] Nothing to be done.

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: In other words…

[ _Quiet murmurs are the only company he has._ ]

SHINJI: How did it go again?

[ _He moves, tiredly, toward the gravestone. He halts. It stares back at him._ ]

_Enter Asuka._

SHINJI: You’ve come back.

ASUKA: I have.

SHINJI: Are you going to go away again?

ASUKA: Have a little more faith in me.

SHINJI: Who could?

ASUKA: Did you stay here all night?

SHINJI: Of course.

ASUKA: Did I ever leave you?

SHINJI: You let me go.

ASUKA: You’re really stupid.

SHINJI: You left me here.

ASUKA: Look at me. I’m a mess.

[ _Shinji looks. The left side of her face is mutilated beyond description._ ]

ASUKA: I’m pathetic.

SHINJI: Who told you?

ASUKA: Who else could?

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: It goes, “In other words, I love you.” How did you already forget?

SHINJI: I remember.

ASUKA: Is it too hard to say it out loud?

SHINJI: I missed you.

ASUKA: You can say that?

SHINJI: I was happy without you. Well, not quite. Rei wasn’t here.

ASUKA: You have to move on. I hate seeing you miserable.

SHINJI: You’re only seeing half.

ASUKA: You’re not any better as a smartass than you are as an idiot.

SHINJI: Maybe happy isn’t the right word.

ASUKA: You feel a lot worse with me. I don’t feel good with anyone, least of all myself.

SHINJI: Then why do you keep coming back?

ASUKA: I’d rather be with you than alone.

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: I’m sorry.

ASUKA: For what?

SHINJI: I let them beat you.

ASUKA: You couldn’t have stopped them.

SHINJI: Maybe.

ASUKA: There were nine of them. I couldn’t beat them, how could you?

SHNJI: No, I mean before they beat you. I would have stopped you from doing whatever it was you were doing.

ASUKA: I wasn’t doing anything.

SHINJI: I was.

ASUKA: God, what did you do?

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Shinji?

SHINJI: I’m sorry.

ASUKA: I wasn’t doing anything. Fuck, I was in a coma. What did you do?

SHINJI: Why did they beat you?

ASUKA: I don’t know! What did you do?

SHINJI: I wasn’t doing anything.

ASUKA: I never took you for a filthy liar.

[ _Shinji thinks of how the sand is white._ ]

ASUKA: Are you happy, then?

SHINJI: Happy about what?

ASUKA: To be back with me. I did beat them, idiot. How else would I be here?

SHINJI: What should I say?

ASUKA: That you’re happy.

SHINJI: You’re happy?

ASUKA: No. What did you do?

SHINJI: Nothing.

ASUKA: What should we do?

SHINJI: Wait for Rei.

ASUKA: And if she doesn’t come?

[ _Shinji grimaces._ ]

ASUKA: It was disgusting, wasn’t it?

SHINJI: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

ASUKA: Hah.

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: Just the way I am.

ASUKA: Humans are meant to ignore their routines.

[ _Shinji grimaces._ ]

ASUKA: And what’s our routine now?

SHINJI: To wait.

ASUKA: To wait.

SHINJI: For Rei.

ASUKA: Hah. Of course.

[ _They stare out into the sea. The sea does not stare back._ ]

SHINJI: Do you see that?

ASUKA: See what?

SHINJI: It’s Rei.

ASUKA: That’s disgusting. You can count every single one of her pores.

SHINJI: Do you want to start?

ASUKA: Didn’t think a doll would have any. Thought she was just plastic, all the way through.

SHINJI: Was that there yesterday?

ASUKA: How would I know? Humans are meant to ignore their routines.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: How long have we been here?

SHINJI: Only a while.

ASUKA: Are you sure?

SHINJI: Maybe it’d be best if we left each other.

ASUKA: You’re saying that?

SHINJI: How far away is she?

ASUKA: A long while. By the time you’d reach her, I’d be dead. And forgotten.

[ _The silence dwells between them,_

_the sound of dead voices,_

_that make a noise like buzzing wings,_

_or leaves,_

_or sand._ ]

ASUKA: Sand is overrated. It’s just a bunch of tiny little rocks.

[ _They all speak at once,_

_and all only to themselves,_

_and aren’t heard by anyone else,_

_because they aren’t meant to._ ]

SHINJI: And we aren’t?

[ _They whisper,_

_and rustle,_

_and murmur._ ]

ASUKA: Living isn’t enough for me.

SHINJI: Being dead is fine.

ASUKA: Say something nice for once.

SHINJI: You try!

ASUKA: I am trying!

SHINJI: Just say something that, that doesn’t make me feel awful.

ASUKA: Let’s just wait for Rei.

SHINJI: Thank you.

ASUKA: Just kidding.

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: We could start all over again perhaps.

ASUKA: Again? Haven’t we already?

SHINJI: I’m Shinji.

ASUKA: I’m Asuka Soryu Langley. I just survived the apocalypse. The world I once knew to be real is completely trashed. How’s that for a new start?

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: When you seek, you hear.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: We’re in no danger, anymore.

SHINJI: You’re not going to hurt me?

ASUKA: I don’t know. You can never tell with these things.

SHINJI: Try, at least. It’d give me that much less misery.

ASUKA: Say, Shinji, where do corpses come from?

SHINJI: The sea.

ASUKA: Say, Shinji, isn’t that where they come out of?

[ _He turns an eye to the iron-red-sea. It stinks. If he put a foot in, he’d imagine he’d sink._ ]

SHINJI: Yeah.

ASUKA: Say, Shinji, isn’t that where I came out of? And you too?

SHINJI: [ _gruffly_ ] I didn’t.

ASUKA: What do you take yourself for, some kind of god?

SHINJI: God’s in his heaven…

ASUKA: The world is trashed. Heaven isn’t real.

SHINJI: You would know.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: But I’m not a historian. Who’s to say this hasn’t happened a thousand times before?

SHINJI: Do you not remember?

ASUKA: Every second of every day.

SHINJI: Kaworu would.

ASUKA: Who?

SHINJI: You wouldn’t know him.

ASUKA: Another one of your nightmares.

[ _She does not look at him. If she did, perhaps she’d notice his expression. It is one of painful remembrance – for what, she could not comprehend. It was alien to begin with._ ]

SHINJI: Is there anything you remember?

ASUKA: Maybe the skullfucking traumatized me.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Don’t give me that. It was a joke. Ever hear of continuity?

SHINJI: Anything at all?

ASUKA: Obviously.

[ _He does not look at her. If he did, perhaps he’d notice her expression. It is one of painful remembrance. She stomps it beneath her foot._ ]

ASUKA: Where are your shoes?

SHINJI: Must’ve thrown it away.

ASUKA: Is Misato dead?

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Yes.

SHINJI: I don’t know.

ASUKA: What are you, fucking stupid?

SHINJI: [ _exasperated_ ] I don’t know why I don’t know!

ASUKA: Why did you throw her necklace away?

SHINJI: It isn’t thrown away!

ASUKA: Where, then?

SHINJI: Do you care?

[ _An impasse has been reached._ ]

SHINJI: Of course I threw it away.

ASUKA: Yeah, you would.

SHINJI: It was hurting me. Of course I would.

ASUKA: How did you manage it?

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: Besides, we’re not waiting for her. We’re waiting for Rei.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: It always comes back to that, doesn’t it?

SHINJI: I’ve tried everything.

ASUKA: You’ve tried nothing.

SHINJI: You’ll help me?

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: We didn’t manage too badly, before. Those twins…

ASUKA: I hated that music. Trash.

SHINJI: Twins.

ASUKA: Destined to separate. I’d rather you stay an idiot.

SHINJI: In other words…

ASUKA: Love.

SHINJI: We always find something to give us the impression that we exist.

ASUKA: I do exist.

SHINJI: You do.

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: If only I could sleep.

ASUKA: Then do it.

SHINJI: Yes, but –

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: I’ll try.

ASUKA: Bye.

[ _She looks at him._ ]

ASUKA: What did you dream?

SHINJI: My mother was alive.

ASUKA: Was my mother there too?

SHINJI: Rei was.

ASUKA: She’s dead then.

SHINJI: It’s all over.

ASUKA: Come with me.

SHINJI: That’s enough. I’m tired. I want to go back to sleep.

ASUKA: You’d rather be stuck there doing nothing?

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Suit yourself.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: [ _impatiently, kicking the sand_ ] Let’s go.

SHINJI: I can’t.

ASUKA: Why not?

SHINJI: I’m waiting for Rei.

ASUKA: Don’t wait for someone who’s dead. Look at me. I’m alive. Look at me!

SHINJI: She’s not dead!

ASUKA: Why here?

SHINJI: Why not?

ASUKA: Where do corpses come from?

SHINJI: The sea. And where did you come from?

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Pathetic.

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: Not any more so than usual.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: I’m going.

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: Where?

ASUKA: Away.

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: You’ll… you’ll just end up coming back.

ASUKA: How many times have you run away?

SHINJI: Everybody always does. I wish they’d just stay, without the leaving part.

ASUKA: Is this Hell? I don’t want to stay with you forever.

SHINJI: Limbo, more like.

ASUKA: All fun and games.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Ever hear of Horseshoe Theory?

SHINJI: Don’t want to.

ASUKA: I really am in Hell.

[ _Silence._ ]

SHINJI: I’m sorry. I lost my head.

ASUKA: It was already gone.

[ _He frowns._ ]

ASUKA: God must be a manipulative bastard.

SHINJI: Uh-huh.

ASUKA: A total prick.

SHINJI: Uh-huh.

ASUKA: A moron.

SHINJI: Uh-huh.

ASUKA: Not an idiot. That’s your job.

[ _Silence._

 _The moon hangs overhead._ ]

SHINJI: In other words…

ASUKA: How long were you asleep?

SHINJI: How long were you dead?

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: I don’t know.

SHINJI: Then I don’t either.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: It was a joke. Don’t get too worked up over it.

SHINJI: It was.

ASUKA: And what are you doing now?

SHINJI: Waiting.

ASUKA: Ah. And for who?

SHINJI: For Rei.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: That’s how things are, then.

SHINJI: I guess.

ASUKA: It doesn’t have to be this way, you know.

[ _Silence._ ]

ASUKA: Let’s go.

SHINJI: Yes, let’s go.

[ _They do not move._ ]


	3. Act-ING

When he breaks free from the fallacious claws of hypnopompia, when he blinks away the bleary sea-borne tears from his eyes, when he breathes, brings himself fully into the bitter solace of wakefulness, he stares, straight up, and notes, wearily, that there is no ceiling – it is simply the sky.

This is an inescapable fact. And yet, when he brings up his right hand, and squeezes it into a fist – just once, for it feels insurmountably heavy, hanging in the air like that – he cannot help but liken it to a figment of the mind, to wonder if he is still wandering inside his own dreams.

There is nothing to be done, and so Shinji numbers the stars – he decides to begin at the corner of his vision, which, predictably, shifts entirely to another section of the night, and commences his Sisyphean task, forgetting the number one, starting with zero.

_Zero, zerum, zilch, nada, nil, null…_

_Rei._

He stumbles at seventeen, and loses count at twenty-six, but he doesn’t stop until reaching one-thousand, because, if only for that unsubstantiated slice of mortal time, he could block out the emptiness that surrounds him, and forget that he is neither here nor there, not on the Earth as he knew it, not in the endless realm of space as he imagines it.

By the time he has given up grasping infinity, he notices Asuka, lying next to next to him, bandages shrouding the left side of her face. Her plugsuit covers her body, her hair blossoms from beneath her, but, connecting her head to her shoulders, there’s a pale stretch of ivory white – not sand, but skin.

Her flesh is not marble. It is soft, and it is malleable, and it feels as though it could tear, even with his shaky grip.

Fingers caress his cheek, assuredly.

He retches out sobs.

“How disgusting.”

_Ah. Nothing to be done._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a filler episode  
> Hypnopompic ch 9 soon(tm)


End file.
